Say What?!?!?!

I hope you don't mind me getting a little personal, I've had a lot on my mind lately and I've really just wanted to get it off my chest.

So....  As many of you know, I hate working out.  After I graduated from High School I was sick of working out.  During HS I was working out at least 3 hours a day for cheer and I guess I supposed after I was finished I just needed a break.  Well years later and I haven't gotten back into it.  It's quite sad actually... 

It reminds me of a story of when I was driving home from California with my friends Matt and Jenna, Matt was telling us a story about this girl that he had run into up at school and how she just wasn't the same fun loving person that he had remembered, and then he said something that has always stuck with me, he said, "She had lost her glow."  I immediately was like what does that even mean...  he went on to explain that it was his opinion that she had kind of let herself go, not that she had gained weight, but she just wasn't the same person physically and personality wise.  I've often thought about this and thought, that's how I feel sometime and wonder if that is what others think of me.  I've definitely let myself go in so many areas and I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to figure out. 

The last couple of weeks I've started running.  I HATE running.  I hate how I'm always so sore afterwards and how hard it is the breathe when I run.  But...  I'm so out of shape I really needed to do this.  Sedona was an eye opener that I really needed to change.  I signed up for the Pat Tillman run that is next week and I'm also signed up to do this ridiculous Warrior Dash at the end of April so I really need to run my butt off, literally. 

In February I started a Biggest Loser Contest with the Nielson's thinking this would help my desire to workout and lose weight... 2 weeks in I didn't do much of anything and oddly enough I didn't lose any weight either.  Weird right?  The funny thing is that it really discouraged me... What willing myself to lose weight without doing anything wasn't enough to actually lose what?  What kind of world is this... So the week before Spring Break I convinced my friend Katherine that we needed to help each other out and make each other run.  If I know someone is counting me to do anything I can't disappoint and we both needed each other to keep motivated.  So we started running at night.  It was dreadful and I hated every minute of it, but I did feel pretty good afterwards.  The next week, we ran everyday AND even went hiking as some exercise.  This time it really was disappointing that I didn't lose any weight when I had been working so hard.  It could have been the stress that I was under that week from Mr. Mesa, but disappointing nonetheless.  The next week was super hard to be any kind of motivated to go running, but we did it and we even started switching things up.  That week was kind of a turning point for me.  I actually enjoyed running for the first time!!!  Ya you read that right!!!!!  I enjoyed it.  It's still a pain in the butt to go running but it's given me alot of time to think, which for me can be good and bad.  I think I could over analyze anything, even which side of my bagel I should start eating first, and with running it gives you tons of time to think.  It's kind of weird how changing one aspect of your life can impact the rest so much.  With all this thinking, I've soul searched a little and I feel for the most part it's been for the better.  I think alot more about my scripture reading, which frankly I struggle with sometimes, and I think more about my church callings and what I can work on to better myself.  I've also had a better appreciation for God's creations.  I can't imagine a more beautiful place.  I love running in the middle of day to be able to take in all that is out there, birds, mountains, little kids running around, etc.  The bad part is, I think about a boy situation way too much. 

Have you ever met someone that you just click with.  This kid kind of came out of no where and I've been leery of him from the start, but as I've gotten to know him I've found he is genuinely the nicest guy (which I don't think alot of people realize) and I like the person I am when I get to be with him.  He makes me want to be better and I've never had a guy make me feel that way before.  So I like this kid quite a bit but I wish things moved a tad bit faster.  Some of you may know, lately I'm not the shyest at telling people what's on my mind (which I'm trying to be better at harnessing), but with relationship things I'm just so guarded.  I also hate so much not knowing what other people think, for me it would be worth it to know upfront if someone is interested or not and hurt my feelings just a little bit than to be strung along for months not knowing, because the guy does just enough to think he's interested but not enough for you to exactly know, and then being crushed at the end. I feel like that's the story of my life... but with this running I have thought ALOT

Watch out! 

I'm getting my glow back and the world better be ready, I'm game for anything!